Of Dreams, Hope, and Purgatory.

Last night was... interesting, to say the least. I am over it, as I knew I would be. The ball is completely in your court. Is that it? Oh yes! Because I have not a lot to say on the matter. I don't cry over spilt milk.

I have the weirdest damn dreams, they are so elaborate, and so intricately thought out, that they shouldn't even classify as dreams. Last night's escapade included huge plot twists, and people being put under house arrest for life. I saw their pain, I saw the effects of my own actions. It was like I was looking at myself in another life. I saw a mother, go, on her hands and knees, to her family and beg for forgiveness. Her 5 boys, chubby and introverted, looking at her with empty eyes. I can remember all of their faces. Her husband, teary eyed, hugged her so tightly, I felt a small pang of jealousy. I want to be held like that. Anguish always brings out the human in people, regardless of how much hate there is between two people, for that moment, hope overrides everything and brings together in an embrace like no other. Isn't it a paradox how in a moment where your world is collapsing around you, it is possible to feel true joy? That concept has always fascinated me. And truth be told, I'd give anything to feel like that.

I am in a pretty contented mood right now. Comfortably Numb, as Pink Floyd put it. Neither alive nor dead. Purgatory. But I'm beginning to see some sort of result on the horizon. Years in the making, X will be a whole new person. It's rather exciting, moving into a new stage of ones life. This one I've been waiting for the better part of 3 years to have, it's rather Euphoric to say the least.

For the first time in a while, I truely have hope.

X