Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Of The Redness of Doom.

Come on now, don't shrivel your nose up at me like that, you might learn something.
Ladies, you know what I'm referring to, you get it once a month, the excuse to make your boyfriend feel like the scum of the Earth for fucking up your dinner, or maybe to get some shut-eye on a Friday night.
Period.
Periodperiodperiod.

You put one at the end of every sentence, yet when people start discussing the Redness of Doom, as I like to call it, there's a strange smell of awkward in the air, followed by embarrassed sideways glances. So in a week, you'll consume more painkillers and binge food (because lets face it; you've been waiting to gorge yourself on that new choccy bar that's been tempting you every day) than your body probably wants to digest, in some desperate plea to cure the pain. Let's be honest here, bleeding hurts, and is generally not a good sign. So it seems absolutely fitting then, to signal normality; that we bleed. It's a mammal thing.
Pain, girls, pain. We know you you're in agony, you explicitly tell us how much pain you're in when there's "No more fucking painkillers". Now, here comes the sciency bit of my little Spiel:
If you're throwing painkillers down you neck, most likely their active ingredient is; Ibuprofen. Because it's better for you than Aspirin, and the advert says it targets strong pain like Period Pain.
It. Doesn't. Work.
Let me repeat that, for those of you who are hard of hearing.
It. Doesn't. Work.
It'll give you relief for a few hours, maybe, you'll take more than the reccommended dosage, and it'll be back tomorrow, and the next day, until the initial mega-bleed is over.
You need Mefenamic Acid.
I'll repeat that, too.

Mefenamic Acid.

It is an Anti-Inflammatory drug, yes, but its design is much more specific. It reduces swelling in your Uterine. Guess what that means, kiddies? After a day, you won't have to take them for the remainder of the duration. Why? Because your Uterus isn't swollen anymore, and not pounding at you like someone repeatedly stabbing you with the business end of a mace. You'll have to go to the Pharmacy to buy it. The people that work there know what it does, and when you buy a Mefenamic Acid product, you'll get the "Welcome to the Secret Organisation" smile.

But this is what really grinds my gears, it took a nurse to tell me to get Mefenamic Acid, when all of the Pharmacists knew it'd be better than 1/2 a tray of Nurofen Plus. But why didn't they say anything? If you buy Mefenamic Acid, you won't be back in a week for some more. Hell, you won't be back for close to 4 months. Now, you tell me the last time 20 caplets lasted you 4 months.

X

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